My Biggest Bollywood Pet Peeve

In an earlier life, before I was a Bollywood fan and Occasional Blogger of Things of Dubious Importance, I was a cellist.  Not, you know, a concert cellist or anything, but a pretty decent cellist nonetheless.  I knew how to do all the important things, like how to play open string notes on the strings below them because I was too lazy to tune my instrument properly, and how to make a really whiny noise by turning my bow upside down (or playing on the wrong side of the bridge). 

Most importantly, I knew how to hold my damn instrument in a way that made people think I wasn't touching a cello for the first time.

Your move, Kat:

I don't expect film stars to be the reincarnation of Pablo Casals or anything, but it takes maybe thirty seconds to look up a picture of Yo-Yo Ma and check out what he's doing with his right hand.  And his left one, for that matter.  Look at her!  She's not even playing a real note!  She's got her fingers in a squished up version of first position on the A and the D string, but her bow is on the C string!  Cheeee!

This has got to be my biggest pet peeve in the history of the world right here: actors who play musicians who can't be bothered to try and look authentic.  We all know Katrina Kaif isn't playing the cello but would it kill her to try and look the part? 

Lest anyone think I'm picking on Katrina, let's check out some other offenders.  Like Rishi "I'm just gonna put some fingers on some strings and hope it looks good" Kapoor.

Or this.  WHAT IS THIS I CAN'T EVEN OMG.  Are you going to play that or eat it?  Because based on what you're doing here I'm leaning towards the eating.

Here's Akshay, demonstrating that it may take two Bollywood stars to film a romantic scene but only one to fuck up the violin.

Sigh.  The less said about this the better.  If only I could find a job teaching the violin where there was no requirement that I actually be able to play the violin.

Long story short: Katrina, if you ever decide to film Yuvraaj 2 (and I think we can all safely say we hope that never happens), here's some study material for you.

Memorize this.  For my sanity.

Katrina Kaif In Pictures

In anticipation of the release of Tees Maar Khan, NDTV put up a gorgeous slide show of Katrina Kaif.  I might not think much of her in terms of acting or dancing, but there's no denying the girl's beautiful.  The full series of photos can be found on the NDTV website.  Here are a few highlights:

 

Post Boom and pre-nose job

Katrina and her sister, Isabel (soon to debut in Bollywood)

Katrina's many films with Akshay Kumar (not my favorite jodi but it's box office gold, so who am I to judge?)

Katrina and Akshay in Amritsar

It's pretty hard to find a pic of Katrina Kaif looking anything but glamorous, but photographers caught a few of her as she accompanied Akshay Kumar to the Golden Temple in Amritsar.  The two were in town to promote Tees Maar Khan and stopped to pay their respects (or further promote their film, who knows at this point) at the temple.

I'm going to assume this was taken fairly early in the morning and I get that it was chilly but Katrina's looking pretty rough here.  Minimal makeup, totally fine.  Bulky jacket, probably necessary.  But what on earth is on her head?  I'm sure it's meant to be a scarf but it looks like a beaten up do-rag that you'd wear when you were fourteen and on a basketball team and trying to look cool but you weren't quite pulling it off.  She's got a team of six trillion stylists and assistants traveling with her--couldn't they have come up with something better than this?  (Also what's going on with her lips...has she had them done again?)